koreateacher

I never knew what a feeling of accomplishment being able to cook would bring.  I never would have learned to cook without a relationship. Cooking for myself just seemed pointless. Or rather cooking for myself would have meant that I couldn't engage in my binge routine.  As long as I wasn't eating regularly then binging could be counted as regular food and not a binge. But even if they didn't make me fatter those binges exerted an emotional toll. Every Saturday I spent holed up in my apartment living life vacariously through celebrity magazines and eating food that temporarily dulled the anxiety and guilt about being afraid to actually live my life, to pursue accomplishments like learning to play the piano, writing, and creating a meaningful and enjoyable career.



 

and until it's finished  will be using livejournal to motivate me to actually finish it.  When I'm alone with open office, I find it's too easy to hit the delete button and keep "writing in place."  I'm a little nervous about posting incredibly personal things on the world wide web so this journal is going to be friends only. However, if you are also struggling with the shame and the frustration of being a functional adullt while secretly believing you can live on nothing but tea and honey, I'll happily put you on my friends list.

I stayed out all night Friday, had a splitting headache Saturday morning, took four advil to fall asleep because 2 is never enough, and still feel woozy. I'm a little worried about that and am kicking myself for not following the directions on the bottle. Hopefully ginger  tea will help.